When I Was Eight I Defeated A Child-Murderer!

I was always a suspicious kid. Once when I was 8 (8 was when I was the craziest, if you couldn't tell.) I had my Friend over at my grandma's house. So we were in the back yard playing when the next door neighbor was innocently mowing his lawn and waved at us. I totally and completely freaked out.

"HE JUST WAVED A KNIFE AT US!!!!" I screamed at my Friend, grabbed her wrist and ran behind a tree. We then made plans how to escape this child-murderer. 

"What are we going to do?" My Friend asked, wide eyed and frantic.

"We have to get him! He can't get away with being a child-murderer!" I said taking an imaginary stand. The Neighbor continued mowing his lawn peacefully and saw us gazing at him like he was, well, a child-murderer. So he smiled and waved again.

"OH MY GOD!!! NOW HE WAVED A GUN!!!" I whispered-screamed. *Note: At the time I did actually believe he was a child-murderer.* 

"AHHHHHHHHH!!" 

We made a dash for my grandma's house. The Neighbor, turns out, mows other peoples' lawns as well. So as he moved on to the next house, I felt like the the whole neighborhood's mortality rested on my young, little shoulders. And I decided to be a hero. 

"We need to save the neighborhood!" I told my Friend. Making the neighborhood's mortality rest on her even younger shoulders. 

"How are we going to do that?" She asked me, on the verge of crying.

"I'm not sure, but we'll need weapons!" That statement made my pacifist, six year old Friend start bawling. Of course that didn't gain any sympathy from little me. I just told her to stop being a baby and left to find weapons.

My dad found out and yelled at me for deserting my crying friend. I told her that we wouldn't go hunting for child-murderers anymore and could just go outside and play. Of course I didn't MEAN any of that. 

Going outside I took my 'weapon' out with me: a frozen, Aquafina water bottle.

I made her play a game that involved throwing the frozen water bottle up an oak tree right by the Neighbor's house. With each throw we threw closer and closer to their house. On my next throw I decided that then would be the perfect time to defeat the child-murderer. So I threw the water bottle as hard as I could and it hit the window. Thankfully, it didn't break it. Just made a really loud thunk. 

The Neighbor's wife obviously heard it and opened the window, looked at us and the water bottle lying on the ground and got very, very mad. I'm pretty sure she yelled something but I didn't hear it; I just grabbed my Friend, pulled her in the house, ran into my grandma's guest bedroom and locked the door. Waiting for our impending doom. We watched from the window as the Neighbor's Wife marched up to the house and told on us.

Five minutes later my dad, extremely embarrassed and angry, knocked (very hard) on the door and told me to come out. Then, we got yelled at and our punishment was to go over and apologize to the child-murderer. So my Friend and I walked over to the Neighbor's house and knocked on the door I realized I couldn't do it. I couldn't apologize to a MURDERER. So I just ran away and my friend followed. 

"Did you apologize?" My dad immediately asked.

"No..... I'll just write an apology letter instead."

_________________________________________________

Turns out the Neighbor wasn't a murderer; I was just insane.