The Day Friend Called 911 To My House

When I was 11 I had my first slumber party. ("Sleepover par-tay" as 11 year old me liked to call it.) Sure, I slept over at Friend's house (The Friend I tortured here) and she slept over at mine but this party was bigger; better. Why? Because I had two other girls besides Friend coming over. Sure, one of them was nearly 4 years older than me and I hardly knew them but that didn't matter because the first time in my young life I was having more than one friend over at once!

I was so excited! I was planning out everything, from what scary stories we'd tell to what we'd have for breakfast. Everything had to go perfect and according to plan.

Yes. nothing would ruin this sleepover. So, on Saturday we picked up all the girls up and everything went according to plan; it wasn't until Sunday that disaster struck. (I have this theory that Sundays are evil since every bad thing that happens to me happens on a Sunday but that's a different story.) The four of us had just gotten out of the pool and I was feeling very mischievous.

 And then I came up with a "great" idea.

So we were all sitting on my bedside, typing random numbers into the phone. (ex: 172468983973292826547836547832) No one picked up, obviously. Given my short attention span I soon grew bored and decided to take a shower. I was calmly washing my hair when I heard one of my panicked guests shouting my name:

As soon as I stepped out of the shower I was bombarded with:

Guest: Sarah... something bad happened...

Me: I'm SURE it could have waited for me to finish my shower. I WAS NAKED!

Guest: It's really bad....

Me: Just tell me, God.

Guest: Friend called 911.

I then realized that it couldn't have waited. I flipped out, yelling at Friend hysterically.

Me: WHY DID YOU CALL 911?!?!?!?

Friend: I dunno.Why does it matter? They're not going to come.

Me: Yes.... they ARE, retard. You called from a LANDLINE.

Friend: So?

Me: *sigh* What..... did you say....?

Friend: wee wee.

Me: *facepalm*

I then realized I could be mad at Friend as much as I wanted after this blew over but at that moment I had approximately 5 minutes to figure out what to do. I decided that in our time of desperation I needed someone old, wise with experience... I needed the guest who was four years older than me. Certianly a 14 year old would know what to do! I frantically ran around the house looking for her, eventually finding her upstairs doing her hair. I explained our dilemma expecting some wise teenager knowledge. Instead I got:

So much for teenager-wisdom. At this point, Friend decided that 911 wasn't coming and excused herself to take a shower. Meanwhile, Guest and I tried to figure out what to do, we decided the best bet was to just tell my mom. As soon as we started heading downstairs we hear a knock on the door. And my mom answered it. Guest and I locked ourselves in my room, awaiting our impending doom. And Teenager continued on with her hair.

As soon as the firefighters left my mother screamed out my name and Guest, Teenager and I reluctantly walked over to her in the living room. She yelled at us for about 10 minutes before realizing that one of my friends, and the actual 911 caller, was missing. She made Teenager go drag Friend out of the shower and 5 minutes later they appeared; Friend, covered in soap-suds and only wrapped in a towel. Then, my mother preceeded to chew us out for 2 straight hours.

Septerday

When I was 11, my sister came up to me with some wonderful news:

But little me was wise to my older sister's tricks.

My sister did everything in her power to make me believe that septerday was a real word. She said it all the time to my mom, got my dad in on it and had her accomplice, Natalie make an Urban Dictionary entry for it. 

Just saying the word around me didn't make me believe it, I was pretty paranoid anyway and my sister was always tricking me. But what really made me believe was the Urban Dictionary entry. 

At the time I was really fuzzy on the Internet. For the longest time I thought the Internet was a place that you physically go. I also believed if you Google 'Google' you'd break the Internet. (thanks, dad...) I thoroughly believed at this time that if something's on the Internet then it must be true. So I didn't exactly know that Urban Dictionary wasn't the most reliable source... 

Sister: Hey, Sarah! Read this! Septerday is in the dictionary!

Me: What?? No way!

Sister: Yeah, go look!

From that point on I started using Septerday EVERYWHERE. Talking, essays, I even think it was my cellphone signature at some point! 

It wasn't until today when I found out the truth! My whole world came crashing down before my eyes! My whole life was a lie! I was simply buying fudge with my dad when he told me the awful truth.

Dad: Remember, that trick your sister played on you? Made up the word septerday... and had Natalie make an Urban Dictionary entry for it?

Me: SEPTERDAY ISN'T REAL!?!?!

Dad: Oh, you didn't know?

Me: NO!!!!!!!!

I was shocked and mad, I called up my sister up in an angry fit. I was screaming in the fudge store. All my dreams were crushed.

But you know what, readers? Let's make septerday a word! Use it everywhere! Call webster! Put it in stories! Let's make a new word!

This Is Why I Don't Talk To People

Chicks don't like me. I don't know why, I get along with guys better. I mean who wants to sit around and gossip about clothes or boys? (I don't even know what girls talk about, but I'm guessing clothes and boys.) Maybe, it's because I change the subject frequently to random subjects, like cupcakes...? (Yes, cupcakes. Once my mind went completely blank and I just brought up cupcakes. That's actually what this blog post is about.) Yep, here's a real conversation (based on, anyway) where I tried to be sociable but it make me look like a cupcake-crazed freak.

Oh, well. Who needs people when you have cupcakes?